Saturday, July 16, 2011

Basically I'm a procrastinator

I use to do everything in a timely manner. I use to have my kids on time for everything, I use to have perfectly behaved children. I use to have my hair fixed and make-up on. I use to have my house clean and my laundry folded and put away.

I was basically the perfect parent...then I had kids. Slowly we started being late for everything, my kids would throw fits in the middle of the store. People would look at me like I was a crazy lunitic because my hair's not done, my face looks like Frankenstein and I have a screaming 2 year old throwing a fit over...I can't even remember.

When did my life turn into that woman I used to talk to my husband about "I can't believe that women's car is so flithy, doesn't she know where a car wash is?" or "My child would NEVER behave like that, I can't believe she would let her children act like that."

Until your a parent, everything looks easy, then it happens, you slowly become overwhelmed outnumbered and your just trying to survive.

So back to procrastinating. Right now I'm two days late on my writing project. Instead of sitting down and writing on my book, I'm here creating a new blog where I can vent and laugh and tell you all about the hilariously boring crap in my life.

For instance, two nights ago I asked Nick (hubby) to do the dishes while I went out to go get something. When I get back, all the dishes are in the sink. The kids and him asleep and I'm thinking to myself "What the hell, I can put dishes in the sink." In what world are the dishes overflowing in the sink considered clean? I swear IF the zombie apocalypse does come I want my kitchen to be clean. I mean for crying out loud we all know that once we're all zombies no kitchen's will be cleaned anywhere. Not only do I want my kitchen clean, my kids better have clean underwear on. Cause ain't no zombie gonna put new underwear on when they are busy taking over the world.

So I digress...rather I'm procrastinating. The point of this blog, is to get my funny out. Sometimes I have so much funny it's just got to come out, and not very many people appreciate my humor. So if you appreciate my strange humor of random things. You are welcome to stick around.

I promise you that this blog will consist of the absolutely ridiculous, sometime insane, and almost always funny. This I can guarantee. And we all know about guarantees "Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside...Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted? How do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Buildin' model airplanes!" says the little fairy, well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off your dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I've seen it a hundred times.They put the guarantee on the box, because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I've got spare time. But for now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about what you're reading." (that's from Tommy Boy and I changed that last bit a bit).

So here's your box....enjoy!

p.s. I'm writing this in my pjs and it's 2:00pm


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