Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Seriously…I’ve been together longer than they have

So I’m browsing FOX NEWS (my favorite news source) when I see this

Shocking Celebrity Splits




I should have know it was going to be STUPID when I saw the picture of Superman and Lois Lane kissing at their wedding (I didn’t even know the got married, I guess I’m way behind on my comicon). Anyway the article (if you choose to waste your time reading it…don’t) tells about 26 different celebrity couples that the world was SHOCKED to see separated. Seriously? You were shocked? I’d be SHOCKED if they stayed together. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, now there’s a shocker, they were married 50 years (till his death). This article makes it seem like divorce among celebrities is a rare thing.

My hubby and I’ve been together longer than most of these people. In fact we’ve been together longer than all but 4 of these couples. FOUR out of 26!!!!

This week we celebrate our 11 year anniversary. This is the year of STEEL. What the hell kind of gift is steel. “Here you go honey I got you a big steel metal chicken. Happy Anniversary” (must see this to understand) ANYWAY, we got together in 1997 so we’ve been together 14 years. This to me is not news worthy or “shocking.”

Want to know what is shocking?

What does this look like to you?

A nipple?

Well it is, only it’s on her foot!!! NO JOKE!

It’s called Supernumerary breast tissue. Now that’s SHOCKING! I mean I wonder if it lactates, or if you have to use an EYSDAOR machine (you know Evil Yet Slightly Disturbing And Oddly Relieving thing called a breast pump.) Those things are pure evil, they cause your FBB’s (f-ing big boobs) to deflat and become withered up pancakes. Now some of you are shocked that I used “f-ing” Let me explain, my boobs are SO HUGE they are an F cup…thus they are f-ing big boobs. How I started with “Shocking Celebrity Breakups” and ended on my FBB’s is beyond me. But I better stop here!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME! (and Nick)

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