Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I figured out Where the Medulla Breast pump got it's name.

It's that time of the week again!! WACKY WIKIPEDIA WEDNESDAY!

With your Host.....ME!

Ok, so I spend like 90% of my time now a days pumping for my little bundle of joy, because said bundle of joy won't do the duty on his own. I stick the thing in his mouth and he looks at me like "Why are you trying to kill me with this F-ing Big Boob (FBB)?"

All that so say I was going to look up Medula Breastpump to make some crude hilarious remark about breast pumps. Believe it or not, the Medula Breastpump is not a Wikipedia subject (I am appalled, I am aghast). HOWEVER, the Medulla Oblongata is a subject.

Of course everytime I hear "Medulla Oblongata" I think of Waterboy:




So from our very educational video clip we learn that the Medulla Oblongata is the sector of the brain that controls aggression and when it is enlarged aggression comes out.

My hypothesis: The breast pump while it's sucking the life out of your FBB's it's also causing your medulla oblongata to become enlarged thus causing aggression.

For instance if my kids want a snack they have a 95% chance of getting said snack BEFORE I pump. During and after said pumping their chances drop to about 3.2%.

Another example, yesterday I was sitting down to pump. Max was in his rocking chair, the girls decided that they wanted to go in the backyard in the 108 degree weather and play in the pool. Since I had JUST sat down to pump, there was NO WAY I was going to make them put on sunscreen. I figured if they are crazy enough to go outside in 108 degrees, they could just get their little bodies burned (what a great mom I am). Well I guess I'm raising sun conscious children, because they all insisted that I put sun screen on them. So instead of stopping my FBB depletion and Medulla Oblongata enlargement ceremony, I thought "I can do both at once." So with one hand I'm holding the FBB depletion apparatus' (breast pump cups) and with my chin and other hand I'm squeezing the sunscreen into free hand, so that I can rub it on the girls' backs. Probably about 3 times the breast pump tubing comes lose and stops pumping. Instead putting the FBB depletion apparatus down, I continue to try and do both. After the 3rd time I rip off the apparatus and start screaming like a maniac, letting my FBB's hang out, looking completely insane, and stark raving mad that I had to stop my ceremony and to put sun protection on my children so they won't form deadly skin cancer later on in life. (you can see where my priorities are...bad mom).

Now, can't you see my hypothesis is true? Our Medulla Oblongata has to be enlarged during breast pumping, cause why else would a sane person go irate over such incidences. Unless of course I'm not a sane person, which is totally possible.

p.s. since my When the Banana's start talking post I've been leaving messages on Nick's banana's before he leaves for work. This morning I put "Medulla Oblongata" on his banana. He has no idea about this post, so he's going to be totally confused.

p.p.s. will post pictures of said banana later.

p.p.p.s

2 comments:

  1. LOL I think you may be on to something! I can so picture you trying to both at the same time. I've so wanted to leave messages on bananas at the grocery store!

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  2. I know, I was tempted to the other night. I just might try it next time.

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