Saturday, December 22, 2012

Christmas 2012

Dear Friends and family,

Yes, Yes everyone wants to know what exciting things the Walters have been up to this year.  So here you have it, the exclusive interview you've all been anxiously waiting for.

Since it is the Holiday season, it seems fitting to mention that we have not been invited to a single Holiday party this year.  We only mention this to make you all feel guilty in case you had a Holiday party and failed to invite us. We've been free every weekend in December, we did get invited to a New Years Eve party, but that was our own, so that really doesn't count. 

I said we were free every weekend, but that really is a lie.  The first weekend in December we weren't free.  We spent way too much money, making sure our daughters got their 3 and ½ seconds of fame.   What I really mean is, Kamri and Evie were privileged enough to get to be in the Nutcracker Ballet again this year.  Kamri was in the Party scene as one of Clara’s friend’s and as a toy soldier.  Evie was a cute little mouse (who did not die) and a beautiful Seraph, who did more than just sit with her hands folded on stage.  She was adamant that she would not just sit there as an angel, this year, because last year as a cherub they had to do most of their “dancing” in the sitting position.
Kamri is the one in purple

Notice she's NOT sitting

Oh, and there was one more weekend we weren't free, that was the weekend where we went to Nick’s work Christmas party.  Not nearly as horrible as last year, but still quite embarrassing.  He insists on dressing in Holiday attire, which to him means dressing up as Jack Frost. I should just be glad that he’s still with the same company after last year’s Christmas debacle.  Heck I should just be glad he’s still with the same company because normally he only last about 2 months at a job.

We've enrolled the girls in an exclusive private girls academy. Kamri goes Monday’s and Wednesday’s and Evie goes Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.  Friday’s they stay home so we can wash the uniform.  Just kidding, the girls are home-schooled and stay in their pj’s all day. Kamri is eight and in third grade, Evie is 6 and in 1st grade.  Being home-schooled keeps me on my Prozac, I mean toes.  They are both in Ballet, as I mentioned before and they are both in Girl Scouts too.  

Avery has accomplished a lot this year.  She was potty trained, then unpotty trained and then potty trained again, followed by once again being unpotty trained.  She loves doing things over and over until they reach perfection.  We all hope this is her last attempt at potty training. She loves her job as big sister to Max.  She loves to play with him.  Just the other day I came into the room and heard Nick say “Avery, please don’t sit on Max’s head.”

Max is the smartest 20 month old you ever met.  He can say about 500 words, six of which are English. The others are part Mandarin, part Arabic and part of a lost civilization that communicated in shrieks, grunts and drools. He’s also quite good at drawing.  He loves to find markers, then draw all over himself, dubbing himself our “colored child”.

We took a family trip to the Disney World and the Ocean this year.  Avery’s favorite ride was the potty.  I think we stood in line for the potty almost as long as we did at Space Mountain. No I think it was longer.  

This was ride #1 of about 90

Max loved the beach almost as much as a cat loves a bath.  You would think we were torturing him, by letting him play in the sand. Kamri & Evie were pretty much fish, even the baby shark we saw didn't scare them out of the water.

My life has been full this year with homeschooling the girls and running 26 miles a day. I have little time for my Latin crossword puzzles.  After being hit by a truck this year, I decided to do something with my life.  Sadly I keep forgetting what it is, probably some of the brain damage I sustained from the accident.  I seem to be on the road to recovery and will…I forgot what I was talking about.

We've had another year, we survived two END OF THE WORLDS this year! Booya! We hope you survived the end of the world as well.  Until next year!

Taren, Nick, Kamri, Evie, Avery & Max Walters

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Mary Bailey Book Club

So this blog is inspired by a post I posted on Facebook several days ago about how the movie It's a Wonderful Life would have had a different outcome if it were about Mary Bailey mom of four, married to a middle income bipolar man, renovating a really old house. I told Nick that and he said I should write a musical about that. First off you shouldn't write musical's if you can't sing and second, I don't think I could come up with a WHOLE Broadway hit based on that one comment. BUT I can come up with a blog post and this is it. It came to me this morning on my morning jog (don't be impressed, I just started). Picture Mary Bailey sitting down with her book club after the events of the movie. This is where we start.

"So Mary, what was that whole thing with George last week." Cousin Tilly asks.

"Oh don't even get me started! I swear the man is crazy! He wakes up on top of the world because of Harry's medal of honor and meetin' the president and what not. Comes home down in the dumps about who knows what. Yelling at the kids. They didn't do anything, no one has any idea what's wrong with him.

"I swear the man thinks he's got it SO bad, he complains about never seeing the world. Talk about never seeing the world, at least he gets to go outside. I'm stuck at home with four kids. He complains that all he ever wanted to do was build houses. For crying out loud what is Bailey Park? Houses, that he built. While we live in this dump. Do you know how hard it is to replace these broken windows? That he broke mind you. It's not like I can go down to the nearest store and pick some out and come home. And I've been sanding these floors by hand for decade, I don't think he's even noticed. Not that it's done any good. Zuzu ruined them by continually peeing on them. It's like she's a dog. For crying out loud Zuzu use the bathroom, it's not like we have an outhouse. We do have indoor plumbing!

"You would think the man were deaf in both ears some days. Some times I go up behind his left ear and just whisper how much he drives me crazy. Or that Mother was right and I wished I would have married Sam Wainwright.

"Sometime I want to jab this in your eye" whispered in George's left ear
"Anyway, after freaking out that Zuzu had a cold. George just left the house. I had no idea where he was going. He's been crazy before, but this was scary. So I followed. Of course, he took the car, so I had to go on foot. Because we can't afford two cars and being he's the person who gets to be with adults all day, and I have to stay home with the kids and no car, I set on, on foot to try and find him. The only place I can think of that I go to when I'm upset is Martini's so I went there first. Nick said George was there, had one drink got into a fight and left. REALLY GEORGE! REALLY, one drink and you get into a fight? I mean, the man cannot hold his liquor! One drink! I go out and find the car crashed into a tree. You would think Nick spiked the drink or something. For crying out loud, when I'm at Martini's I can hold down at least 3 shots of tequila and 3 beers before Nick kicks me out. ANYWAY, the car is close to the bridge so I head on over to the bridge thinking maybe he jumped. Then Tom the tollhouse keeper yells at me not to "do it" I'm all like "Tom, you know me better than that, I'll always just look and never jump." and Tom says there was a fella here early that did jump and then there was this old man he saved from drowning. He went to go get the cops because he suspected that the fella was trying to comment suicide, but when he got back they both were gone.

"So now I'm thinking George must really think he's in trouble so I run and tell everyone who owes us from from that run on the bank debacle, figuring they owe us for us not being able to go on our honeymoon. By the time I get home there George is happy as can be again. I swear the man drives me crazy.

You're not going to believe what he says to me last night:
"Mary, Clarence saved my life."
"Clarence? Who's Clarence?"
"My guardian angel"
"George Bailey, I'm the one who saved you. I'm the one who ran around in the snow telling everyone you needed help. I'm the who saved you, no more of this crazy Clarence non-sense."
"I swear I should have him committed, but then I'd be left alone to deal with this craziness. So no way George Bailey, you're staying right here! Mother was right, I should have married Sam Wainwright, except all his "heehaw" drove me crazy. Nope I should have just been a spinster."

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Seeds of Friendship

When I was a kid I used to think my friends would be my best friends FOREVER!  I hear my girls say it all they time.  "She's my best friend, we'll be best friends forever."  As a kid I had no concept that there was no forever in friendships, that every friendship eventually dies.

As I got older I realized friends come and go.  For a while I harden myself to that fact.  "What's the point of making friend's if they're just going to leave soon?"  Then I moved to Amsterdam and I met Jeanette!  She was used to friends coming in and out of her life.  When you live on a YWAM base (Youth With A Mission) you get use to people coming and going every 2 years.  Even though she knew I wasn't going be there that long she committed everything to being my friend.  She was the first person to truly to teach me how to be a genuine friend.

Friendship is only for a short period of time, a window if you will.  Jesus knew that.  He had 3 years.  He poured everything he had into his twelve friends in those three years.  I learned that from Jeanette.  We had 9 months.  She was my best friend.  She poured everything into me.

Click here for picture credit

Friends rarely stay in your life FOREVER.  So take the time to cultivate your friendships, like a garden.  You don't grow a garden once and say "Oh I'm done, I never have to plant again or water again."  NO! It will die! You will have to plant again next season.  You will have to water again next week.  Your friendships are the same way, water your friendships weekly, plant them seasonally, weed them regularly. We need friendships throughout our life.  Even though we won't keep friendship our whole life (save family, spouse, children) we'll need new ones continually.

I learned that from my dear friend Jeanette.  Whom I'll never see again, except through Facebook, which really doesn't count. That's why we need friendship, to learn little seeds like this.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I just got back from the 2012 MOPS Convention! It was WONDERFUL!!!

Me with CEO Shelly Surratt

I spent 2 1/2 days with two thousand Mother's of Preschoolers worshiping God, feeling refreshed and hearing some wonderful speakers.  One of those speakers was author Shauna Niequist, she had a workshop about creating a Creative life.  Meaning those of us who are artists, writers, photographers, etc should take the time to use our artist abilities make a date with ourselves so that inner artist doesn't die.

I think my back and neck weren't the only things that got injured in my car accident in April. I went through a really deep depression, and I think just now I'm starting to pull myself out of it.  My inner artist really suffered during this time.  I couldn't write, I could barely find anything "funny" to blog about in the last few months.

But that's over.  I'm renewing my commitment to myself (and to you). I'm going to blog once a week, something funny. That's my commitment.  Everything else I blog will be gravy.  (Come on people, I have 4 kids and I homeschool, give a girl a break).

So I'm trying to think of funny things that happen this weekend and of course there were a ton of "you had to be there moments."  So I'll just give you a general on.  Imagine this, a Ballroom filled with 2000 Moms going to a MOM PROM.  Here if you don't have an imgination, here are some pictures to help:

I love the pregnant belly in the 80's dress

Apparently I didn't get the memo it was an 80's prom.  Oh well, these women were fabulous!  It was a ton of fun!  Next year's MomCon is in Kansas City, MO.  I'm planning on going!  You should too!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Curse you Home Depot

I've always wondered what the slogan meant "that's the power of Home Depot" It never really made sense to me, until this week.

This is my favorite Home Depot image because it's with cheap Non-White Labor!

We've been removing this ugly shrubs from the front of our house.  Which, of course was just a small project.  Even though it took Nick's Dodge Ram Pick Up truck to yank them out.  Once we got the shrubs out, we then accidently broke a sprinkler line, so we headed to Home Depot to fix the problem (I say we, I mean Nick).  He came back with the solution. But then we had to go BACK to Home Depot to get the Flowers and shurbs to replace what we just knocked out.  Only, they didn't have exactly what we wanted.  So we headed to a nursery where an awesome man name Josh helped us out.  Totally recommend them. We got our layout, shrubs, All ready to go...except we needed dirt and garden trim.  So back to Home Depot.

Here's where the POWER of the HOME DEPOT comes into play.  You know you have a bed that's 15 ft x 4 ft.  So logically you only need  5 -4ft.  (you don't realize you have to cut them down so really you need 6). So, the POWER of the HOME DEPOT is they some how make you mathematically get things wrong, so you have to return 3-5 times which makes you 3-5 times more likely to get more things and that my friends is the POWER of the HOME DEPOT!

It NEVER fails, think about it.  When you are doing a small home project how many trips do you make to Home Depot?  Probably 5 or 6...Yep, that's the Power of the Home Depot.

Shop at Lowe's my friends, Shop at Lowe's!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Vicodin Hallucinations?

Since my accident in April I've had killer migraines, about 10 a month.   I've had this last one for two days.  So i finally took some Vicodin last night (that's suppose to be my last resort before heading to the ER for injections).  Well anyway, I had the WEIRDEST auditory hallucination last night.

I was in bed sleeping and suddenly I heard my friend Sarah at the end of my bed talking to me.  Like it was no big deal that she was in my room at midnight having a conversation about homeschooling.  I was telling her I found a new curriculum (which is lie).  Then she said I'd like to see it, so her voice sounded as if it was getting closer to my side of the bed, then it was behind me, then in front, then behind.  It was freaking me out, so I screamed.

Nick wakes up, shakes me and says "honey are you ok? what's wrong?"

At which point, I start laughing, how do I tell him that my friend Sarah who wants to see my homeschool curriculum is scaring me to the point of screaming? So instead I say "these drugs are giving me hallucinations, and are freaking me out."

He's like, "Oh I'm so sorry." (very sympathetic) But then I laugh and tell him what I heard.  He laughs and says "Your scream sounded like an elk in heat." At which point we both start giggling.

Thankfully I didn't have any more hallucinations and my headache has gone away for now!  

On a side note: while I was writing this post Nick wanted me to iron a shirt which was perfectly fine, so I went to the ironing board, made noises like I was ironing, brought it to him.  He put it on and is wearing it to work.  Oh Yeah!  I'm awesome!

I can't promise I'll be blogging much.  But writing this has sparked something in me that hasn't happened since my accident, so who knows, maybe I will.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Handy Handiwork

I know I know, I haven't been around.  I've been recovering from my car accident.  But I did do something super cool and I wanted to share it with you.

These are my families hands traced on paper under neath is a verse from the Bible Ephesians 2:10 "We are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works.

This is my first pinterest project I've created. I got the idea from here. I'm quiet proud of my handiwork. 

ok, that's all....WORD OUT!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Boobie Covers

Today Evie said one of her Evie-isms.

Since it was raining and we couldn't go outside she wanted to do something else.  This is the conversation that ensued.

EVIE: "Mommy can we go to that indoor park where you got your boobie-covers."

First of all I about choked. Second, I was totally confused 

ME: "What?"

EVIE: "You know mom, the boobie-cover place with the toys."

ME: "No Evie, I don't know."

EVIE: You know these (pulling down her shirt showing me her "boobies")

ME: I know what boobies are Evie, I just don't know what your talking about.


KAMRI: "Evie their called bras."

EVIE: "Oh, where you got your brawls."

ME: (Laughing) Bra Evie, not brawl.

EVIE: (totally frustrated)  "UHHHHH! Mom, the place where you get your boobie-covers."

Then it dawned on me, when I was pregnant, I went to the Maternity store to get a bra and they had toys...why she wanted to go there is beyond me.  Needless to say, we DID NOT go to the boobie cover store, just so she could play with the toys.  This poor girl needs a playdate!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Fat Fat Fatty

So, it's been a week since I started my INSANE workout/lose weight project.  My goal is that by April 28th (Max's 1st birthday) I will be 28 pound slimier.

I started working out with a trainer named Chris....frankly I want to kill Chris.  He's horrible, in a good way.  He worked me SO hard, that I felt like I lost 20 pounds just this week.

Funny story, so I'm feeling GREAT about my workouts.  I get home one day from the workout and think "I've worked so hard this week, I bet I could fit into those jeans."  (You know those jeans, the ones that are your skinny jeans that maybe you having worn in a while.)  So I pull out those jeans, confident I will fit into them. Completely bummed that I can't even get "those jeans" over my hips (sigh).

But I am completly confident that I WILL fit into those jeans soon.  Maybe not this week....but soon.

The reason I haven't blogged in a while is because I'm getting up at 5am to work out, plus homeschooling our girls, along with keeping our 10 month old diapered and fed.  Plus, I haven't had any REALLY funny moments to blog about.

Monday, February 13, 2012

My Kids are Heroes

My girls are heroes!  Today we were driving home from girl scouts and my oldest daughter saw a white "puppy" wondering around in the 39 degree weather.  She was so upset that he was alone in the cold, that I turned around to see if I could find him.  Thinking that he would be gone by the time we got back.  

Well, he wasn't gone and he was so cute, so I whistled for him to get in the car and he did.  We took him home and poor thing didn't have any collar.  I thought he has to be owned by someone, so I'll take him to the animal shelter tomorrow. (Couldn't do it today cause it was Sunday and 5pm)

I must preface this story with the fact that I know NOTHING about dogs.  I know they eat, poop and pee, but other than the functions of a baby, I don't know what to do with dogs.  Plus Nick is terribly allergic to dogs, so I made the dog go in the backyard till I figured out what to do.

The girls were SO excited to have a dog in the yard, that they bundled up and went out back to play with him.  

First things, I called my neighbor and asked for a bowl of dog food for the little fellow. Then set out a bowl of water for him too.  Then I looked online to see where can bischon dogs sleep, outside or in?  Apparently they are so little that when it's 39 degrees out they need to be inside.  So we had to bring him in.  I told the girls to bring him in.  By now they have named him "Shadow."  Which is a horrible name for this cute little dog. First off dog is white, second this dog is so small it probably doesn't even have a shadow, and last he is so nervous of the girls that he's not "shadowing" them anyway. So I tell the girls:

ME:  His name is not Shadow!
Girls: it's not? What is it?
ME: It's Toby. 
Girl: Toby? That's a cute name (at which point Avery starts to call him Zoe). 

We shut "Toby" up in the kitchen with the baby gates, and Kamri stays with him all evening.  Playing, making him do tricks.  He's a really good dog.

In the meantime I contact our HOA and tell them I found the dog.  I didn't think they'd get back to me until Monday, but got a response right away saying they would post the info on the website.  Then at about 9pm I get a forwarded email from the HOA from a couple looking for their Bischon dog lost in my area.  I call them and the owner comes and gets him.  Funny thing, the cute little Toby is actually named Max.  (Which is one of the reasons I didn't want to name my son Max....another story for another time.)

So Max was returned to his owner and my girls saved this cute dog on the only Texas snowy day we had!  I'm so proud of them!  (Mainly Kamri, cause she spouted him and took care of him all night.)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

If I could return a week...

I would return this week and demand a FULL refund!  This was possibly the worst week all year (easy to say in January). 

I won't bore you with the details of my crappy week.   But I'll give you a hint.

What does this:
and this:

Have in common?

Well, you may remember a blog post back in August where I shared with you all the things my kids have broken. Well, I wish I could say that Avery did it again...but she didn't.  This time I accidentally poured lemonade on my computer.  How you may ask?

Well I bought my girls a medium size lemonade from Sonic to share (because I was being stingy) and I was pouring the medium into 3 small glasses in the car, right above my computer.  (I can hear you screaming now "No Taren Don't DO THAT"  believe me, I'm screaming that too as I write this.)  And I  accidentally slipped and dropped the lemonade all over the computer. 

I cursed all the way home, tried to turn it on...nothing.  I remember a friend dropped her cell phone in a pool and she soaked it in rice and after 3 days it was fine.  I'm praying for a 3 day miracle.  That's were the rice comes in.  I bought a HUGE bag of rice and covered my computer in it. 

I guess I can be as bad as my kids....sometimes. 

p.s. I'm writing this post on my hubby's computer.  So if I'm not on this know why! 

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Very Eclectic Musing of a Crazy Mom

I literally have been writing this post all week. Every time I sit down to write this post someone interupts with with life altering information.  Like "Mom, Max's poop is coming out of his diaper." Or "She hit me."  or my personal favorite "She's being mean."

I found a moment where I'm able to ignore my kids, so MAYBE I'll get this post done today.

This post is pure random bullcrap awesomeness! It really has no content I just feel that I need to post something instead of "Imagine a World Without Me".  Because frankly I'm able to imgaine it more and more.  I've had so little time for myself that I'm beginning to think that the world is continuing to spin without me.  sigh!

So first things first.  (Actually first things I can think of first).

Nick and I went on a date, first one in months! We went to the Cheesecake Factory and then to the movies and *cough* Barnes and Nobles (I know, we are boring). While we were waiting for our table at CF, we go to the bar and grab a drink. I order a long island ice tea.

Now let me rewind to a couple of weeks ago.  I went to a restaurant with my girlfriends and I ordered a long island.  I swear either they didn't put any alcohol in it OR I'm not a light weight (we all know I'm a light weight, so I'm thinking she just brought me watered down Long Island.)

So because of my experience with the Long Island a few weeks ago, I decided to order another one while we waited.  Basically in the matter of 10 minutes I drank the whole thing.  Feeling quite great and thinking I wasn't a light weight any more.  UNTIL we got up to go to our table and I "tripped" and fell into my chair in the booth.  That was my first indication that this Long Island was way different than the one two weeks ago.  I'm trying to keep my composure though, it's a little hard when you
1) drop your fork
2) hit your head trying to get it
3) snort three times laughing, once hitting your head.

The waiter kept asking us "Do you have any questions?"  Like this was some sort of museum and not a menu we were looking at.  I told Nick, next time he asks me that I'm going to ask him "How many miles is the earth from the sun?  The correct answer is 93 million miles! See if that's on your menu punk!"

Regrettably I chickened out and none of this ensued, or if it did, I don't remember.

After this we went to Barnes and Nobles to do research on my book.  (really just to look at children's book, because we're nerds)  And we came across this book:

 It's Pride & Prejudice in board book edition.  I flipped through it, basically it was a counting book that went something like this

3 Houses  Longbourn, Pemberly, Netherfield
4 Wedding proposals (Mr. Collins to Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth 1st time, Mr. Bingley to Jane, Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth 2nd time)
5 Sisters, Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty & Lydia

I can't remember the rest.  The book is right next to it is Romeo & Juliet board book.  Remember a few posts ago I wrote a blog about how they were going to change classic's into comics?  Well, I guess the madness has started. Next there will be Lego scenes from Tale of Two Cities or Les Miserables.

Ok, I feel this post is long enough for a few laughs.  Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I will try better next week!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Imagine A World without me.

Ok, you might could live without me, but I'm pretty sure it would suck.

News Corp, RIAA, MPAA, Nike, Sony, Comcast & VISA and others want to make that world a reality. 80 members of congress are in their way, 30 against, and the rest undecided.

Take a minute to tell your Members of Congress you OPPOSE PIPA & SOPA

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Things I dislike about Facebook:

1. "Dear so and so"  I hate it when people tell store/random people/TV/etc something on Facebook in a "Dear so-and-so" format.  Just say "I hate it when TV commercials do this."

2. "Lord Help me".....I hate it when people tell the Lord to do something to their lives on Facebook.  Isn't that a bit personal and do you think that the rest of the world wants to know that you need God to make you a better person?  (We already know that:)

3. Talking for dead people....this is a little weird and I've only seen this once, but it creeps me out.  A friend of mine died unexpectedly a year ago and their family goes on and writes posts as if they are talking from heaven. A little weird.  It's so sad I had to un-friend my dead friend because of his weird family.

4. Games... Don't get me wrong, I like to play the games every once in a while.  I just don't like seeing your score or that you need my help with anything.  Frankly I have to help for little kids all day long, and I don't really want to help you with a silly game. 

I'm sure I do things that drive other people nuts, (like post my blog posts on FB).  But this is my blog and I can complain about it here.

What drives you nuts about Facebook?

Monday, January 16, 2012

There's no App for that.

So my church is doing a series call "There's no app for that".  They showed this video on Sunday morning:

I about died laughing.  Then I got to thinking, what apps would be beneficial.

SIRI: What can I help you with

ME: My kids won't behave

SIRI: Do think it is normal to be obsessed with your kids who won't behave

ME: Yes

How can you be sure?

ME: Because the world isn't full a bohemians

SIRI: Is that a real reason?

ME: No, I'm just tired of dealing with them and want you to help me

SIRI: How long have you been just tired of dealing with them

ME: All day

SIRI: What does that suggest to you?

ME: I'm a bad mother

SIRI: Do you enjoy being a bad mother?

ME: yes

SIRI: I understand

ME: Really?

SIRI: Tell me more

ME: My kids drive me crazy and my husband is no better?

Who else might be involved?

ME: Possibly my mother

SIRI: What do you think about anybody else's mother

ME: I can't comment on that.

SIRI: Perhaps you can now comment on that

ME: Still no

SIRI: You are being a bit negative.

ME: Possibly


ME: Are you going to help me with my kids or should I just give them candy?

SIRI: Perhaps you don't want to just give them candy

ME: Oh no, I do

SIRI: Are you the only one?

ME: They probably want candy, but I don't think that will help them behave.

SIRI: Why don't you think that will help them behave

ME: It's basically pure sugar, they'll get a sugar high, and they are hyper enough

SIRI: Could anyone else be hyper enough

ME: Well, it'd be nice if I was just as hyper, then I might could keep up with them

SIRI: Why would you want to keep up with them 

ME: Hell if I know

SIRI: Who else might be involved

ME: Obviously not you!

SIRI: Why are you concerned with me?

ME: I thought you were here to help me

SIRI: Who else might be involved?

ME: now you're just beating a dead animal

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to just be beating a dead animal

ME: That's probably the solution, better than beating my kids

SIRI: Do think it is normal to be obsessed with your kids

ME: Yes, and I'm not having this conversation with you again

SIRI: Did you come to me because you are not having this conversation with me again

ME: You're right, goodbye

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to be right goodbye

ME: Perhaps I will

SIRI: Why don't you now

ME: ok I will

SIRI: Why would you

ME: you just told me me

SIRI: How can you be sure?

ME: Oh HELL, no, Now my kids are fine but you're driving me nuts

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to be driving you nuts

ME: I'm turning you off now.

Actual conversation with Siri.....I feel crazier now than before. I think I better let this dog die, I'm not meant to make apps.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

1st glass is for me, 2nd glass for me, 3rd glass for....well me!

I was reading my last post and almost BORED my self to death.  I want to apologize for the boring-ness of that last post.  I will try my utmost to make this less...boring.  So I'm going to tell you how I got drunk at Christmas.

Our whole vacation I didn't have a drop of liquor.  But after 5 days being cooped up in either an airplane, car or 1000 sq ft house with 10 people finally took it's toll.

My mother-in-law asked me to help her with Christmas dinner (or Christmas Eve dinner, sadly I got so wasted I can't remember which it was).

We are in her kitchen and I decided to open a bottle of Chardonnay and have a glass of wine while I cook.  Now I must admit that my glasses of wine are more the "Grecian" style which look like this:

Very full!

I'm drinking my wine, minding my own business, chopping my veggies and all the sudden I glass is empty.  I better pour myself another glass.

So I'm going along, chop-chop-chop, dice-dice-dice, mix-mix-mix... uh-oh my glass is empty again. I better fill it up.

I fill it up again.  No one has noticed that I'm on my third glass of Chardonnay. You may remember from an earlier post that I am quite a light weight when it comes to drinking.  So I'm on my third glass of wine and the veggies I'm preparing are starting to look like this:

By now my volume has risen and my words are slurred and basically I can't stand up straight.  Apparently my family finds this hilarious. I don't remember any conversations that were actually held (or if I actually could talk at all).  But at one point my family took my wine glass away from me.

When we actually sat down to enjoy our dinner I do remember going to sit and then suddenly my chair moved.  I'm not kidding you, I sat down and all the sudden my chair wasn't there anymore.  I swear that stupid elf on a shelf was playing tricks on me (he's such an *ss).  My family thinks I was just drunk and fell out of my chair, but they didn't see what I saw (probably for good reason).

Anyway, after that everything is a blur.  Seriously, it was all blurry.  I do remember one conversation I kept having.  I kept saying "I'm dizzy" and "I don't feel good."

Moral of this Christmas tale is no drinking while cooking with your mother-in-law.  Apparently she'll drive you to drink. :) And keep that mischievous elf locked in his damn box!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

It's time to blog about Christmas....

I realize Christmas was about 2 weeks ago.  But it's time to share all the holiday craziness cheer that our family found this year.

First of all, let me preface this tale by the fact that Nick and I are completely insane.  Only insane people would travel with 4 children (one being an infant) on 3 flights totally 8 hours, just to get in a car and drive 6 hours to our destination.  Not slightly insane people, or partially insane people....COMPLETELY INSANE PEOPLE!!

I'll spare you the agony of 8 hours on a plane ride with 4 kids.  Just use you imagination and I'm sure you'll come close to the agony we dealt with.

We were visiting Nick's family for Christmas.  His parents are divorced so we had to spend half our time in Spokane and half in Seattle.  The first part of our trip was at his Dad's in Seattle.

When we arrived in Seattle we stayed at his dad's house for 3 days.  Eight-twelve people in about 1000 sqft, crazy! I made sure my pockets were full of smarties candy for my nieces and nephew's.  If they wanted candy they had to give me a hug, because I'm that kind of aunt. I was sure to keep my pockets full the whole time we were there.

Nick's dad is a bachelor and basically lives like one.  Mix match glasses and forks, no pillows, hand towels for the shower, etc.  The first day I got in the shower with my 3-year-old, the shower curtain was covered in mold.  I was dry heaving!  Avery says "look mama poo-poo"  I don't know which is worse, poo or mold.  I hopped out, and told Nick I wouldn't be taking a shower until the curtain was replaced.  (My wonderful husband went right away and bought a new one for me).

Basically our days consisted of screaming kids "playing" if you call constantly fighting playing.  Our nights consisted of HALO video games.  When I say "Our" I mean, Nick.  I was in charge of getting 5 kids to sleep in a twin size bed, by making up scary Christmas bedtime stories, because I'm that kind of aunt.

Santa came to visit on the third day.  All the kids were super excited about meeting the REAL Santa.  They all were jumping up and down when he walked in the house.  All except my 7 year old who was devastated by the fact that this was NOT the real Santa.  We asked her why she thought that.  She replied "His shoes aren't black."  Note to Santa's everywhere....SHOES MATTER TO SEVEN YEAR OLDS!  Finally Nick convinced her (with several lies) that this Santa was Santa's helper and would bring her whatever she wanted.  So she got over her sadness and asked Santa for a doll.  Guess what Nick had to do that night?  Yep!  Thank heavens for 24 hour Walmart.  Went and bought her a doll.

The next morning when she got what she asked for she was a true believer in Santa! However, every other kid was quite confused why they didn't get what they asked for.  Including Evie my 5-year-old.

"Christmas morning" was chaos.  (I quote Christmas because it was really the 23rd). Eight adults and ten kids (1000sq ft) wrapping paper everywhere, babies crying, cameras clicking, muffins burning and Dr. Pepper pour (ok that was just me.) It was one CRAZY morning.  I'm surprised no one got hurt.

There's still 5 more days to tell you about.  But this is getting crazy long and I don't want to bore you, I haven't even gotten to the funny stuff yet. (plus I'm super tired so I'm going to bed!)