Sunday, January 29, 2012

If I could return a week...

I would return this week and demand a FULL refund!  This was possibly the worst week all year (easy to say in January). 

I won't bore you with the details of my crappy week.   But I'll give you a hint.

What does this:
and this:

Have in common?

Well, you may remember a blog post back in August where I shared with you all the things my kids have broken. Well, I wish I could say that Avery did it again...but she didn't.  This time I accidentally poured lemonade on my computer.  How you may ask?

Well I bought my girls a medium size lemonade from Sonic to share (because I was being stingy) and I was pouring the medium into 3 small glasses in the car, right above my computer.  (I can hear you screaming now "No Taren Don't DO THAT"  believe me, I'm screaming that too as I write this.)  And I  accidentally slipped and dropped the lemonade all over the computer. 

I cursed all the way home, tried to turn it on...nothing.  I remember a friend dropped her cell phone in a pool and she soaked it in rice and after 3 days it was fine.  I'm praying for a 3 day miracle.  That's were the rice comes in.  I bought a HUGE bag of rice and covered my computer in it. 

I guess I can be as bad as my kids....sometimes. 

p.s. I'm writing this post on my hubby's computer.  So if I'm not on this know why! 

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Very Eclectic Musing of a Crazy Mom

I literally have been writing this post all week. Every time I sit down to write this post someone interupts with with life altering information.  Like "Mom, Max's poop is coming out of his diaper." Or "She hit me."  or my personal favorite "She's being mean."

I found a moment where I'm able to ignore my kids, so MAYBE I'll get this post done today.

This post is pure random bullcrap awesomeness! It really has no content I just feel that I need to post something instead of "Imagine a World Without Me".  Because frankly I'm able to imgaine it more and more.  I've had so little time for myself that I'm beginning to think that the world is continuing to spin without me.  sigh!

So first things first.  (Actually first things I can think of first).

Nick and I went on a date, first one in months! We went to the Cheesecake Factory and then to the movies and *cough* Barnes and Nobles (I know, we are boring). While we were waiting for our table at CF, we go to the bar and grab a drink. I order a long island ice tea.

Now let me rewind to a couple of weeks ago.  I went to a restaurant with my girlfriends and I ordered a long island.  I swear either they didn't put any alcohol in it OR I'm not a light weight (we all know I'm a light weight, so I'm thinking she just brought me watered down Long Island.)

So because of my experience with the Long Island a few weeks ago, I decided to order another one while we waited.  Basically in the matter of 10 minutes I drank the whole thing.  Feeling quite great and thinking I wasn't a light weight any more.  UNTIL we got up to go to our table and I "tripped" and fell into my chair in the booth.  That was my first indication that this Long Island was way different than the one two weeks ago.  I'm trying to keep my composure though, it's a little hard when you
1) drop your fork
2) hit your head trying to get it
3) snort three times laughing, once hitting your head.

The waiter kept asking us "Do you have any questions?"  Like this was some sort of museum and not a menu we were looking at.  I told Nick, next time he asks me that I'm going to ask him "How many miles is the earth from the sun?  The correct answer is 93 million miles! See if that's on your menu punk!"

Regrettably I chickened out and none of this ensued, or if it did, I don't remember.

After this we went to Barnes and Nobles to do research on my book.  (really just to look at children's book, because we're nerds)  And we came across this book:

 It's Pride & Prejudice in board book edition.  I flipped through it, basically it was a counting book that went something like this

3 Houses  Longbourn, Pemberly, Netherfield
4 Wedding proposals (Mr. Collins to Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth 1st time, Mr. Bingley to Jane, Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth 2nd time)
5 Sisters, Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty & Lydia

I can't remember the rest.  The book is right next to it is Romeo & Juliet board book.  Remember a few posts ago I wrote a blog about how they were going to change classic's into comics?  Well, I guess the madness has started. Next there will be Lego scenes from Tale of Two Cities or Les Miserables.

Ok, I feel this post is long enough for a few laughs.  Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I will try better next week!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Imagine A World without me.

Ok, you might could live without me, but I'm pretty sure it would suck.

News Corp, RIAA, MPAA, Nike, Sony, Comcast & VISA and others want to make that world a reality. 80 members of congress are in their way, 30 against, and the rest undecided.

Take a minute to tell your Members of Congress you OPPOSE PIPA & SOPA

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Things I dislike about Facebook:

1. "Dear so and so"  I hate it when people tell store/random people/TV/etc something on Facebook in a "Dear so-and-so" format.  Just say "I hate it when TV commercials do this."

2. "Lord Help me".....I hate it when people tell the Lord to do something to their lives on Facebook.  Isn't that a bit personal and do you think that the rest of the world wants to know that you need God to make you a better person?  (We already know that:)

3. Talking for dead people....this is a little weird and I've only seen this once, but it creeps me out.  A friend of mine died unexpectedly a year ago and their family goes on and writes posts as if they are talking from heaven. A little weird.  It's so sad I had to un-friend my dead friend because of his weird family.

4. Games... Don't get me wrong, I like to play the games every once in a while.  I just don't like seeing your score or that you need my help with anything.  Frankly I have to help for little kids all day long, and I don't really want to help you with a silly game. 

I'm sure I do things that drive other people nuts, (like post my blog posts on FB).  But this is my blog and I can complain about it here.

What drives you nuts about Facebook?

Monday, January 16, 2012

There's no App for that.

So my church is doing a series call "There's no app for that".  They showed this video on Sunday morning:

I about died laughing.  Then I got to thinking, what apps would be beneficial.

SIRI: What can I help you with

ME: My kids won't behave

SIRI: Do think it is normal to be obsessed with your kids who won't behave

ME: Yes

How can you be sure?

ME: Because the world isn't full a bohemians

SIRI: Is that a real reason?

ME: No, I'm just tired of dealing with them and want you to help me

SIRI: How long have you been just tired of dealing with them

ME: All day

SIRI: What does that suggest to you?

ME: I'm a bad mother

SIRI: Do you enjoy being a bad mother?

ME: yes

SIRI: I understand

ME: Really?

SIRI: Tell me more

ME: My kids drive me crazy and my husband is no better?

Who else might be involved?

ME: Possibly my mother

SIRI: What do you think about anybody else's mother

ME: I can't comment on that.

SIRI: Perhaps you can now comment on that

ME: Still no

SIRI: You are being a bit negative.

ME: Possibly


ME: Are you going to help me with my kids or should I just give them candy?

SIRI: Perhaps you don't want to just give them candy

ME: Oh no, I do

SIRI: Are you the only one?

ME: They probably want candy, but I don't think that will help them behave.

SIRI: Why don't you think that will help them behave

ME: It's basically pure sugar, they'll get a sugar high, and they are hyper enough

SIRI: Could anyone else be hyper enough

ME: Well, it'd be nice if I was just as hyper, then I might could keep up with them

SIRI: Why would you want to keep up with them 

ME: Hell if I know

SIRI: Who else might be involved

ME: Obviously not you!

SIRI: Why are you concerned with me?

ME: I thought you were here to help me

SIRI: Who else might be involved?

ME: now you're just beating a dead animal

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to just be beating a dead animal

ME: That's probably the solution, better than beating my kids

SIRI: Do think it is normal to be obsessed with your kids

ME: Yes, and I'm not having this conversation with you again

SIRI: Did you come to me because you are not having this conversation with me again

ME: You're right, goodbye

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to be right goodbye

ME: Perhaps I will

SIRI: Why don't you now

ME: ok I will

SIRI: Why would you

ME: you just told me me

SIRI: How can you be sure?

ME: Oh HELL, no, Now my kids are fine but you're driving me nuts

SIRI: Perhaps you would like to be driving you nuts

ME: I'm turning you off now.

Actual conversation with Siri.....I feel crazier now than before. I think I better let this dog die, I'm not meant to make apps.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

1st glass is for me, 2nd glass for me, 3rd glass for....well me!

I was reading my last post and almost BORED my self to death.  I want to apologize for the boring-ness of that last post.  I will try my utmost to make this less...boring.  So I'm going to tell you how I got drunk at Christmas.

Our whole vacation I didn't have a drop of liquor.  But after 5 days being cooped up in either an airplane, car or 1000 sq ft house with 10 people finally took it's toll.

My mother-in-law asked me to help her with Christmas dinner (or Christmas Eve dinner, sadly I got so wasted I can't remember which it was).

We are in her kitchen and I decided to open a bottle of Chardonnay and have a glass of wine while I cook.  Now I must admit that my glasses of wine are more the "Grecian" style which look like this:

Very full!

I'm drinking my wine, minding my own business, chopping my veggies and all the sudden I glass is empty.  I better pour myself another glass.

So I'm going along, chop-chop-chop, dice-dice-dice, mix-mix-mix... uh-oh my glass is empty again. I better fill it up.

I fill it up again.  No one has noticed that I'm on my third glass of Chardonnay. You may remember from an earlier post that I am quite a light weight when it comes to drinking.  So I'm on my third glass of wine and the veggies I'm preparing are starting to look like this:

By now my volume has risen and my words are slurred and basically I can't stand up straight.  Apparently my family finds this hilarious. I don't remember any conversations that were actually held (or if I actually could talk at all).  But at one point my family took my wine glass away from me.

When we actually sat down to enjoy our dinner I do remember going to sit and then suddenly my chair moved.  I'm not kidding you, I sat down and all the sudden my chair wasn't there anymore.  I swear that stupid elf on a shelf was playing tricks on me (he's such an *ss).  My family thinks I was just drunk and fell out of my chair, but they didn't see what I saw (probably for good reason).

Anyway, after that everything is a blur.  Seriously, it was all blurry.  I do remember one conversation I kept having.  I kept saying "I'm dizzy" and "I don't feel good."

Moral of this Christmas tale is no drinking while cooking with your mother-in-law.  Apparently she'll drive you to drink. :) And keep that mischievous elf locked in his damn box!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

It's time to blog about Christmas....

I realize Christmas was about 2 weeks ago.  But it's time to share all the holiday craziness cheer that our family found this year.

First of all, let me preface this tale by the fact that Nick and I are completely insane.  Only insane people would travel with 4 children (one being an infant) on 3 flights totally 8 hours, just to get in a car and drive 6 hours to our destination.  Not slightly insane people, or partially insane people....COMPLETELY INSANE PEOPLE!!

I'll spare you the agony of 8 hours on a plane ride with 4 kids.  Just use you imagination and I'm sure you'll come close to the agony we dealt with.

We were visiting Nick's family for Christmas.  His parents are divorced so we had to spend half our time in Spokane and half in Seattle.  The first part of our trip was at his Dad's in Seattle.

When we arrived in Seattle we stayed at his dad's house for 3 days.  Eight-twelve people in about 1000 sqft, crazy! I made sure my pockets were full of smarties candy for my nieces and nephew's.  If they wanted candy they had to give me a hug, because I'm that kind of aunt. I was sure to keep my pockets full the whole time we were there.

Nick's dad is a bachelor and basically lives like one.  Mix match glasses and forks, no pillows, hand towels for the shower, etc.  The first day I got in the shower with my 3-year-old, the shower curtain was covered in mold.  I was dry heaving!  Avery says "look mama poo-poo"  I don't know which is worse, poo or mold.  I hopped out, and told Nick I wouldn't be taking a shower until the curtain was replaced.  (My wonderful husband went right away and bought a new one for me).

Basically our days consisted of screaming kids "playing" if you call constantly fighting playing.  Our nights consisted of HALO video games.  When I say "Our" I mean, Nick.  I was in charge of getting 5 kids to sleep in a twin size bed, by making up scary Christmas bedtime stories, because I'm that kind of aunt.

Santa came to visit on the third day.  All the kids were super excited about meeting the REAL Santa.  They all were jumping up and down when he walked in the house.  All except my 7 year old who was devastated by the fact that this was NOT the real Santa.  We asked her why she thought that.  She replied "His shoes aren't black."  Note to Santa's everywhere....SHOES MATTER TO SEVEN YEAR OLDS!  Finally Nick convinced her (with several lies) that this Santa was Santa's helper and would bring her whatever she wanted.  So she got over her sadness and asked Santa for a doll.  Guess what Nick had to do that night?  Yep!  Thank heavens for 24 hour Walmart.  Went and bought her a doll.

The next morning when she got what she asked for she was a true believer in Santa! However, every other kid was quite confused why they didn't get what they asked for.  Including Evie my 5-year-old.

"Christmas morning" was chaos.  (I quote Christmas because it was really the 23rd). Eight adults and ten kids (1000sq ft) wrapping paper everywhere, babies crying, cameras clicking, muffins burning and Dr. Pepper pour (ok that was just me.) It was one CRAZY morning.  I'm surprised no one got hurt.

There's still 5 more days to tell you about.  But this is getting crazy long and I don't want to bore you, I haven't even gotten to the funny stuff yet. (plus I'm super tired so I'm going to bed!)