Wednesday, January 11, 2012

1st glass is for me, 2nd glass for me, 3rd glass for....well me!

I was reading my last post and almost BORED my self to death.  I want to apologize for the boring-ness of that last post.  I will try my utmost to make this less...boring.  So I'm going to tell you how I got drunk at Christmas.

Our whole vacation I didn't have a drop of liquor.  But after 5 days being cooped up in either an airplane, car or 1000 sq ft house with 10 people finally took it's toll.

My mother-in-law asked me to help her with Christmas dinner (or Christmas Eve dinner, sadly I got so wasted I can't remember which it was).

We are in her kitchen and I decided to open a bottle of Chardonnay and have a glass of wine while I cook.  Now I must admit that my glasses of wine are more the "Grecian" style which look like this:

Very full!

I'm drinking my wine, minding my own business, chopping my veggies and all the sudden I glass is empty.  I better pour myself another glass.

So I'm going along, chop-chop-chop, dice-dice-dice, mix-mix-mix... uh-oh my glass is empty again. I better fill it up.

I fill it up again.  No one has noticed that I'm on my third glass of Chardonnay. You may remember from an earlier post that I am quite a light weight when it comes to drinking.  So I'm on my third glass of wine and the veggies I'm preparing are starting to look like this:

By now my volume has risen and my words are slurred and basically I can't stand up straight.  Apparently my family finds this hilarious. I don't remember any conversations that were actually held (or if I actually could talk at all).  But at one point my family took my wine glass away from me.

When we actually sat down to enjoy our dinner I do remember going to sit and then suddenly my chair moved.  I'm not kidding you, I sat down and all the sudden my chair wasn't there anymore.  I swear that stupid elf on a shelf was playing tricks on me (he's such an *ss).  My family thinks I was just drunk and fell out of my chair, but they didn't see what I saw (probably for good reason).

Anyway, after that everything is a blur.  Seriously, it was all blurry.  I do remember one conversation I kept having.  I kept saying "I'm dizzy" and "I don't feel good."

Moral of this Christmas tale is no drinking while cooking with your mother-in-law.  Apparently she'll drive you to drink. :) And keep that mischievous elf locked in his damn box!

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